To love is to be vulnerable. I have read about it sometimes before and this notion has certainly left a mark in my mind. I have even said it out loud to my friend, who later tweeted it and gave the credit to me. Well, just to be clear, it was not me who started it. Rather, it was a poet by the name of C.S. Lewis.

"To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possible be broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglement; lock it up safe in the casket of coffin of your selfishness. But in the casket - safe, dark, motionless, airless - it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. The alternative to tragedy, or at least to the risk of tragedy, is damnation..." - C.S. Lewis

And these words are so beautifully turned into illustration by Gavin Aun Thung in his famous website, zenpencils.com. Although, in my opinion, his illustration limits the meaning of love into serious relationships between men and women, it gives a soul to those words. I can better understand the essence of what Lewis wanted to convey through those words. Really, to develop a feeling towards anything - person, work, movement - is to let ourselves to be attached to it. And thus, that would make ourselves vulnerable. Vulnerable to all the shortcomings that come in package because nothing is perfect.

I don't have any difficulty in accepting that idea. That to love is to be vulnerable. However, not everyone can accept it. At least, not without a struggle. Some people live to fight vulnerability. To outsmart vulnerability. Vulnerability is the source of shame and fear. It really is. By letting other people to get to know us, we are opening a chance for them to use their knowledge to attack us. So, how are we going to love if love makes us vulnerable while vulnerability is the reason why we stop loving.

Brene Brown, a research professor at University of Houston, has dedicated a part of her life to study vulnerability. She thinks that vulnerability is 'the core of shame, fear and our struggle of worthiness.' Therefore, by outsmarting vulnerability, we can overcome all those things. But it appears, through her years of studies, that vulnerability is also 'the birthplace of joy, of creativity, of belonging and of love'. And that really took her down. She cannot accept that her struggle to overcome vulnerability brings her to the fact that, to love, we need to be vulnerable. And the struggle to accept it became yet another journey in her life.

So, what am I trying to convey here? It is not about vulnerability and love. It is about struggle. Some people can just accept everything that they have been told about and move on. It is not like they don't care about it. Instead, it has become their view and principle. That happened to me. I can accept that to love is to be vulnerable. I always think about it. It has become a part of my view about relationship. And I didn't struggle to accept it. I have no idea since when did I hold it close but it is now already embedded in my mind.

And Brene has quite a long struggle before she can really accept the whole idea. In 2012, she published a book about embracing vulnerability. Her talk about the power of vulnerability has become one of the most watched video on TED.com. I can say that she has managed to overcome vulnerability by actually embracing it.

People have different stories in their lives. Some people have been nurtured to accept a certain idea since they are small. Some people have already had the idea somewhere in their mind, so that when they are told about it, they have no difficulty living their lives accordingly. Some people have never encountered such idea before in their lives, but when they are told about it, everything just make a perfect sense and they also have no problem living their lives accordingly. And some people have to struggle a lot before they can accept the idea, before they can internalize the idea and make it a part of their lives. To be in any of these group does not make us any inferior than the others. For me, what really matters is the next stage: to turn the idea into a reality.

May Allah make us the people who listen to the words of admonition and follow the best of them.

Kepelbagaian pada sikap

Alhamdulillah. Sesungguhnya Allah telah mengurniakan kita dengan berbagai nikmat dalam kehidupan. Dan, hari ni, particularly, aku rasa amat bersyukur dengan kemampuan melihat, meneliti, memerhati, mengkaji serta berfikir yang Allah swt telah kurniakan. It goes without saying yang aku sepatutnya sentiasa bersyukur dengan segala nikmat Allah. Tetapi, hari ni, hati aku digerakkan oleh Allah swt untuk berasa bersyukur kepada Allah akan nikmatNya yang satu ni.

Dalam kehidupan kita (aku), kita (aku) boleh jadi sesiapa sahaja. Pada satu masa, mungkin kita (aku) adalah sang rahib yang berasa hidup dan mati kita (aku) adalah untuk beribadat kepada Allah swt. Pada masa yang lain, kita (aku) juga adalah si pendosa yang seolah-olah tak pernah tahu akan syurga neraka. Pada satu masa, kita (aku) rasa sangat bersemangat dan inspired untuk melakukan segala-galanya di dunia ini dalam kesempitan masa yang kita (aku) ada. Pada masa yang lain, kita (aku) hanya mahu berbaring, berselimut di dalam kesejukan pagi seolah-olah kita (aku) punya semua masa di dunia. Pada satu masa, kita (aku) rasa kita (aku) pandai, kita (aku) tahu segala benda sebab kita (aku) score straight A masa SPM. Pada masa lain, kita (aku) rasa budak bodoh yang tak dapat diselamatkan lagi sebab dapat markah below average masa test.

Dan inilah dia perkara yang membuatkan aku berfikir hari ni. Kita mungkin seorang yang lain pada satu masa dan juga mungkin orang yang lain pada masa yang lain. So, macam mana kita nak define siapa diri kita yang sebenarnya? Adakah kita yang sebenar adalah kita yang bersikap sekian sekian tapi hakikatnya pada masa yang lain kita tidak mengamalkan sikap itu? Dan macam mana kita kata kita kenal siapa diri kita kalau kita tak dapat nak define benda sekecil ni?

Apa yang aku boleh katakan ialah kita kena acknowledge kepelbagaian yang ada dalam diri kita dan pada masa yang sama strive untuk jadi individu yang kita impikan. Jangan biarkan sikap kita pada satu-satu masa untuk menjadikan kita individu yang kekal pesimis pada masa hadapan yang belum pasti. Akui yang ada masanya kita bukanlah orang yang kita impikan tetapi akui juga yang kita dikurniakan kemampuan untuk menjadi orang yang kita impikan.

akhir kata

" ...dan janganlah kamu berputus ada dari rahmat serta pertolongan Allah. Sesungguhnya tidak berputus ada dari rahmat dan pertolongan Allah itu melainkan kaum yang kafir."  (12:87)

" ...tiadalah sesiapa yang berputus asa dari rahmat Tuhannya melainkan orang-orang yang sesat" (15:56)

" Katakanlah: Wahai hamba-hambaKu yang telah melampaui batas terhadap diri mereka sendiri (dengan perbuatan maksiat), janganlah kamu berputus ada dari rahmat Allah, kerana sesungguhnya Allah mengampunkan segala dosa; sesungguhnya Dia lah jua yang Maha Pengampun lagi Maha Mengasihani" (39:53)

Sibuk

Nasihat daripada seorang sahabat. Walaupun tidak ditujukan khas kepada aku, Alhamdulillah, pengajarannya dapat dirasa sama. Katanya

"What matters is not whether we are busy or not. Sebab berlambak je manusia sibuk. What matters is 'untuk siapakah kita sibuk'."

Katanya ini, bagi aku, bermakna kerana aku kenal orang yang menyampaikannya, walaupun bukan beliau yang mengilhamkannya. Beliau cukup tidak senang dengan orang yang sewenang-wenangnya menggunakan perkataan tersebut. Lagi-lagi sebagai alasan untuk tidak hadir sesuatu majlis mahupun hanya untuk menolak pelawaan keluar berjalan-jalan. Padanya, sibuk itu hanya pada sesuatu yang bermanfaat. Maka apabila beliau menggunakan perkataan sibuk, apa yang aku faham maksudnya bukanlah masa dipenuhi dengan wayang dan komik mahupun novel-novel cinta, akan tetapi masa dipenuhi dengan urusan seperti belajar, mesyuarat, majlis bersama rakyat dan pelbagai lagi perkara yang membawa kepada kebaikan bersama.

Inilah sepatutnya sikap kita dalam setiap perkara yang kita lakukan. Jika kita belajar, dengan jumlah student yang tersangat ramai ni, maka apa yang kita belajar itu bukan indikatornya, malah ia tidak pernah pun menjadi indikator. Akan tetapi untuk siapa kita study itulah yang penting.

Kalaulah kita sekarang cuba untuk membawa sebuah revolusi tidak kiralah dari segi akhlak, pendidikan, pemerintahan mahupun akhlak, bagi saya apa yang paling penting ialah untuk siapa revolusi tersebut. Tidak menafikan kepentingan motivasi lain jua, aku berharap agar semua di antara kita menjadikan Allah sebagai tujuan utama kita.

Post ni dah lama dah dok dalam draft blog aku. Maka untuk membuatkannya up to date sikit, aku bercadang nak ulas sikit lagi.

Aku pernah melalui satu peringkat yang mana membaca itu aku lakukan untuk diri sendiri. Supaya aku dapat pleasure daripada membaca itu. Juga supaya aku yang dapat benefit daripadanya. Oleh itu, aku dapat belajar banyak daripada bacaan aku tetapi manfaatnya hanyalah untuk aku. Aku tidak berkongsi manfaat tersebut dengan orang lain. Kecuali dalam a few occasions yang aku rasa cam nak share benda yang aku baca. Aku dapat menghayati perkara yang aku baca tetapi ia tidak membawa manfaat kepada orang lain

Dan selepas itu, aku melalui peringkat yang mana aku membaca supaya aku dapat menyampaikannya kepada orang lain. Banyak kali berlaku bila aku mendapat perkara berguna daripada bacaan aku tersebut, aku berasa yang perkara tersebut amat bagus untuk aku kongsi bersama orang lain. Akhirnya, benefit yang aku dapat hanyalah pengetahuan yang banyak tetapi penghayatan yang kurang. Maka, aku yang duk sibuk membaca ini tidak mengamalkan apa yang aku baca. Membuatkan aku mampu untuk menyampaikan perkara yang dengarnya macam gempak tetapi hilang penghayatan diri terhadap benda yang disampaikan.

Maka pesan aku terhadap diri sendiri, setiap perkara bermanfaat itu adalah untuk diri sendiri dulu barulah orang lain.

Memberi makna kepada sebuah kehidupan

Hari ni hujan lebat. Ditambah pula hari ni aku memang takde kelas. Jadi, aku duduk je kat bilik dari pagi sampai sekarang. Jarang-jarang sekali buat camni, ada perasaan seronok jugak. Tapi ia bukanlah satu perasaan seronok yang patut dilayan.

Maka alkisahnya, aku pun online facebook, baca newsfeed, like satu dua page dan tengok satu dua video. Satu video yang aku particularly nak share kat sini aku tengok masa duk menyibukkan diri scroll down satu page ni. Tajuknya "My last days: Meet Zach Sobiech"

Menonton video ni membuatkan aku berfikir. Dan berfikir. Aku rasa terlalu banyak pengajaran boleh diambil. Pada kematian yang tidak mengenal usia. Dia mungkin sudah tahu ajalnya sudah dekat dan dia cuba untuk memastikan kehidupannya yang tersisa bermanfaat. Peliknya, kita semua pun tahu ajal kita dah makin dekat. Tiada orang yang makin lama dia hidup, makin jauh ajalnya. Yang berbezanya mungkin dia tahu dia ada kanser dan kita, alhamdulillah, masih belum didiagnosis dengan penyakit seumpama itu. Dia sudah diberitahu yang dia tidak punya masa lama untuk hidup. Dan kita juga tahu kita pun begitu. Mungkin, apa yang kita perlukan adalah seorang doctor memberitahu kita yang kita dah kena penyakit kanser yang tidak mampu diubati barulah kita rasa nak memanfaatkan hidup kita ni

Pada hemat aku, dia bukan seorang muslim. Wallahua'lam. Aku tertanya-tanya, apa akan terjadi jika dia adalah seorang muslim. Dan dia tahu tujuan hidupnya. Mungkin beribu-ribu manusia yang akan dikurniakan hidayah oleh Allah melaluinya. Itu hanyalah apa yang aku fikir. Kerana kepositifannya menerima berita tersebut. Dan usahanya untuk memaknai kehidupannya yang tersisa. At least melalui apa yang aku tengok kat video ni. Sedangkan aku sendiri sukar untuk menerima sedikit ujian yang aku rasakan susah kerana aku dok fikir pasal masa depan yang masih kelabu. Yang boleh jadi berlainan daripada apa yang aku fikir. Dan most of the time, memang lain pun. Banyak sangat unsur-unsur negatif yang bermain dalam kepala. Sedangkan jika aku menerima ia sebagai satu fasal kehidupan yang akan berlalu, banyak perkara lain yang lebih bermanfaat boleh aku lakukan.

Video ni ada unsur pengajaran yang amat berguna untuk kita. Buatlah sesuatu untuk memaknai kehidupan kita yang juga sudah tinggal sisa sahaja. Kerana kita sudah tahu yang ajal kita adalah semakin dekat dan mati tak semestinya kerana penyakit sahaja.

What if...

Say, "O My servants who have transgressed  against themselves [by sinning], do not  despair of the mercy of Allah. Indeed, Allah forgives all sins. Indeed, it is He who is the Forgiving, The Merciful   [39:53]

This is one of my favorite Quranic verses. It gives me a perception that no matter what sins we have and regardless of their quantity or frequency, Allah will always forgive us if we ask for his forgiveness. That just shows His aforementioned characteristics of being The Forgiving and The Merciful. And we, His mere creations, have the opportunity to ask for forgiveness, so long as we do not lose our hope on His mercy. That's wonderful.

However, being a human, I think such an offer would be quite paralyzing. In economy, there is a condition called 'moral hazard'. When people are given something, they behave differently than our expectation. For example, in United States, we can choose to buy an insurance for our phone. This would protect us from any additional cost when we lose or broke our phone. What would usually happened is that people become careless. At the back of their mind is the thought that if anything happened to their phone, they will get a new one without having to pay a single cent. Therefore, people who have insurance for their phones tend to lose them more often than those who don't.  Another classic example is that the rate of accidents involving airbag-equipped cars is higher than non airbag-equipped cars. People just drive recklessly when they feel safe. While, in some cases, airbags do save people from getting severe injuries, they also increase the number of accidents on the road. Irony. 

Having said that, I think it is quite easy to say, at least from economic perspective,with such a guarantee given by Allah,  people will sin as much as they want and then ask for His forgiveness later. I mean, if anyone does commit sins with this thought at the back of his or her mind, he or she must have a high confidence that Allah will forgive him or her. That is, he or she does not lose any hope on His mercy. I know that people don't say this explicitly but sometimes, when we commit sins and we are aware of it, there is always a thought that we can always repent later. It is not that we are taking advantage of the promise given by Allah. We know that a sin is a sin but we are just tempted. Then, we try to ease our mind by saying, "I can repent later." It is not said out loud but it is there.

Allah, the exalted, however knows us better. As the Creator of human being, He knows that human has the tendency to misbehave. Therefore he give us a warning against this kind of thought. Not in one verse but four.

And return [in repentance] to your Lord and submit to Him before the punishment comes upon you; then you will not be helped [39:54]
And follow the best of what was revealed to you from your Lord before the punishment come upon you suddenly while you do not perceive [39:55]
Lest a soul should say, "Oh [how great is] my regret over what I neglected in regard to Allah and that I was among the mockers." [39:56]
Or [lest] it say when it sees punishment, "If only I had another turn so I could be among the doers of good" [39:57] 

Enough said.
Well, I actually want to say more. Lol.
Don't ever lose hope in His mercy. It is limitless. But there is always a due time for any good thing on this earth. It wont stay long. Death is one of the thing that rip us from it. So, take heed, people. We all know that feeling. How we wish we don't say that word or we don't act that way. There are always questions of what-ifs and should-haves in our minds. However, there is only one 'if' that both you and I don't want to say.

"If only I had another turn so I could be among the doers of good."

Tarikh 5 Mei di Malaysia inshaAllah akan menjelang tiba kurang daripada 24 jam lagi. Rakyat Malaysia akan beramai-ramai keluar mengundi pada tarikh ini dan kita bersangka baik kepada Allah swt, apa pun keputusannya nanti, Dia maha mengetahui. Saya berkira-kira untuk menulis juga mengenai PRU-13 ni. Tak lebih daripada nasihat untuk sesama kita. Walaupun saya kira pembaca blog ni, kalau ada pun, ramainya masih belum layak mengundi. Ataupun tidak akan mengundi tahun ini atas kekangan tertentu. Namun begitu, penulisan saya itu terhenti di pertengahan jalan. Mungkin tidak akan saya siapkan. Allahua'lam. Jika saya rasakan perlu, inshaAllah akan saya siapkan.

Apa-apapun saya tegaskan di sini kembali kata-kata Qalawun sebagaimana dipetik daripada buku Dalam Dekapan Ukhuwah, tulisan Salim A. Fillah.

"Kami tak tahu apakah ini rahmat atau musibah. Kami hanya berprasangka baik kepada Allah."

Begitulah selayaknya kita. Oh, dan jangan katakan saya menafikan usaha. Saya percaya Allah berikan kemampuan kepada kita untuk berusaha dengan segala kudrat yang ada. Akan tetapi, selayaknya, sikap inilah yang perlu kita amalkan regardless apa pun hasil kepada usaha kita.

Macam mana agaknya kalo kita rasa letih sedangkan kita tak berhak pun nak rasa letih? Somehow, recently, aku rasa macam sangat consumed. Sangat penat. Padahal aku tahu ada je mereka yang lebih pernat berkejar-kejar ke sana sini untuk menunaikan tanggung jawab mereka tapi takde pulak mereka mengeluh ataupun melahirkan rasa penat mereka. Contohnya seorang akh yang aku hormati, sanggup bermusafir ke universiti aku yang sejauh beratus batu dalam himpitan final exams dan mesyuarat program. Macam mana aku tahu? Sebab masa tengah-tengah program tu, dia hilang sekejap pergi meeting. Lepas tu datang balik sambung program. Dan malam tu tengah-tengah borak, dia tertidur. Comel plak. haha. Tapi camtu la. Apa yang aku tengah buat sekarang, memang tak sehebat apa yang dia buat. Dan apa yang dia buat tu memang tak sehabat apa yang sahabat-sahabat rasulullah saw dulu buat. Tapi memang rasa letih. Maybe letih sebab tak buat apa-apa kot.

Mungkin itulah petanda yang diri ni banyak sangat berlengah dalam mencari redha Allah.

Bersempena dengan Entrepreneurship Fair yang baru berlalu, aku kagum dengan idea-idea dan semangat mereka yang hadir untuk melakukan apa yang mereka minat. Mereka mempunyai keinginan serta wawasan yang tinggi. Mungkin apa yang mereka lakukan itu menjana keuntungan daripada sudut kewangan tetapi ia masih lagi mendatangkan keuntungan kepada kita selaku pengguna. Dengan itu, aku ingin kongsikan tiga ayat alQuran yang dengan jelas menunjukkan kesusahan yang kita alami di dunia ini, untuk mencari redha Allah akan dikurniakan ganjaran yang sangat baik.

...Allah melebihkan darjat orang-orang yang berjihad dengan harta dan jiwanya di atas orang-orang yang duduk (tanpa ikut berperang tanpa halangan)... (4:95)

Sesungguhnya Allah membeli dari orang-orang mukmin, baik diri mahupun harta mereka dengan memberikan syurga untuk mereka... (9:111)

Wahai orang-orang beriman! Mahukah kamu aku tunjukkan suatu perdagangan yang dapa menyelamatkan kamu dari azab yang pedih? Kamu beriman kepada Allah dan Rasulnya dan berjihad di jalan Allah dengan harta dan jiwamu... (61:10-11)

InshaAllah, ini adalah ultimate perniagaan yang kita hendak lakukan. Umpama kata seorang murabbi aku dulu, in the end, kita semua akan berniaga.

Ada apa pada usia jika ia tidak mengingatkan kita kepada kematian

28 Mac. Apa yang special pasal tarikh ni? Aku try google tarikh ni. Tak nampak apa pun yang special. Takde plak Google ada buat doodle ke apa ke untuk mark anything special pasal tarikh ni. Indeed, it is not that special. Satu benda yang aku tahu pasal 28 Mac ni ialah birthday aku, and some other of my friends too. Dan hari ni ialah 28 Mac 2013. Selamat hari jadi untuk diri aku, and again, some of my friends too. Dan hari ni akan berlalu seperti berlalunya hari semalam, kelmarin dan hari-hari sebelumnya. Seperti mana aku pernah melalui 28 Mac 1992, 1993, 1994, 1995, 1996, 1997, 1998, 1999, 2000, 2001, 2002, 2003, 2004, 2005, 2006, 2007, 2008, 2009, 2010, 2011 dan 2012. Tarikh ini akan berlalu seperti dulu. Selama aku hidup, tarikh ini telah berlalu selama 20 kali dan inshaAllah dalam masa kurang daripada 22 jam lagi, ia akan berlalu buat kali ke 21. Dan inshaAllah, jika dipanjangkan usia, aku akan melihat tarikh ini berlalu beberapa kali lagi dalam hidup aku.

Well, my point is aku dah melalui tarikh yang sama for 21 years. 21 years. Dah berapa banyak duit dah yang aku dah habiskan sampai hari ni. Dah berapa banyak cc oksigen dah aku gunakan untuk bernafas. Dah berapa banyak air dah aku teguk. Dah berapa banyak pakaian dah yang aku tukar ganti. Dah berapa banyak tempat dah aku pergi. Dah berapa banyak dah nikmat tuhan yang aku dapat sehinggalah aku mencapai usia ini.

Dan marilah kita melihat kata-kata nabi Allah, Sulaiman a.s sebagaimana direkod dalam alQuran
"Ini ialah limpah kurnia tuhanku, untuk mengujiku adakah aku bersyukur atau aku tidak mengenangkan nikmat pemberianNya"

Dan melihat nikmat Allah yang begitu banyak ni, aku terfikir. Berapa kali pulak aku bersyukur atas semua nikmat ni? Dah berapa banyak solat yang aku betul-betul kusyuk? Dah berapa banyak orang yang aku dakwah kepada Islam? Dah berapa banyak orang yang aku tarbiyyah? Apa usaha aku nak membalas nikmat Allah?


Lihat pula pada firman Allah
"Maka yang mana satu di antara nikmat-nikmat tuhanmu yang hendak kamu dustakan?"

Moga usia yang bakal berlalu ini sehinggalah aku dipanggil bertemu Allah menjadi saham aku untuk masuk ke syurgaNya. Alhamdulillah. Allah telah menghadirkan beberapa insan dalam hidup aku yang mendoakan aku agar aku menjadi insan yang berguna untuk ummah. Juga mereka yang mengingatkan aku agar tidak berhenti daripada beramal. Jazakumullah khairan jazak aku ucapkan kepada semua. Moga Allah memberkati usia kita. Amin

21 years. That's old.

Kesedaran yang menggerakkan. InshaAllah. After this, no more excuse;no more whining, no more hold-on. InshaAllah. I have once said, "Jangan hanya sibuk menghantar orang ke pintu syurga dan kita pula berpatah balik ke neraka. Berpimpinlah tangan sehingga ke dalamnya. Berpimpinlah."  And I am gonna say it one more time. And this time, I really really mean it. O Allah, purify my intention. Ameen. 

"Jangan hanya sibuk menghantar orang ke pintu syurga dan kita pula berpatah balik ke neraka. Berpimpinlah tangan sehingga ke dalamnya. Berpimpinlah."

Why hesitate?

What were the words of our Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) when he was resting under a tree after being abused physically and mentally by the people of Taif?

"O God, unto Thee that I complain of my weaknesses, of my helplessness, of my lowliness before me. O Most Merciful of the merciful, Thou are the lord of the weak. And Thou are my Lord. Into whose hand will Thou entrust me? Unto some far-off stranger who will ill-treat me? Or unto a foe Thou hast empowered against me? I care not, so Thou be no wrath of me. But Thy favoring help-that were for me the broader way and the wider scope! I take refuge in the Light of Thy Countenance whereby all darkness are illuminated and the things of this world and the next are rightly ordered, lest Thou make descend Thine anger upon me, or lest Thy wrath beset me. Yes it is Thine to reproach until Thou are well pleased. There is no power and no might except through Thee."

Excerpt from Muhammad: His Life Based on the Earliest Sources by Martin Lings

Now, those were the words of a person who were most blessed by Allah swt when his intention was to bring back people to the right path. The path that is blessed by Allah. Think, for whom was he (pbuh) working for? Allah swt. To whom he (pbuh) was bringing his people to? Allah swt. To whom did he asked helped from when people abused him? Allah swt. Who gave him (pbuh) the hard time? Allah swt!

Let take a step back and imagined that someone hit your face and told you to be patient. Someone stole your car and told you that not everything you owned will be your forever. Would you be angry with that person? Of course you would. You would not even think to ask his or her help. Well, it does not work that way when it comes to the relationship between you and Allah. It is true that He bestowed upon us all the calamity, tests, tribulations, illness, weakness, etc etc. But it is also true that he bestowed upon us his guidance, blessings, love, wealth, health, food, our fingers, our parents, our wife or husband. His blessings are far more than enough to offset all the calamities that we have.

Now, imagine that somebody asked you $1000 and he will give you $10000. But, that $1000 that he asked for is the money you earned after your hard-time dealing with your customer. Well, all the economic professor that I learned with would tell me that it is completely reasonable to give up that $1000 and take the $10000. Actually you don't need a professor to tell you that. Even an random guy sitting next to you in a bus, who will not even gain a cent from your money, will tell you to give up that $1000 and take the $10000 offered to you.

Wait, how about if we increase the leverage? How about if someone you know you can trust ask you $100 that he once gave you and he will return you $1000000000 in return? Heck, he would allow you to add as many zeros as possible. Just give him that $100. Of course you will give him your $100. Even if he actually beats you down and snatches that $100 roughly from your pocket. You would not feel that it is unfair.

Then

...Allah guides whom he wills to a straight path. (24:46)

I have read the news about the conversion, or rather reversion of an ex-member of Geert Wilders's right-wing anti-Islam Freedom Party. He was a member of a fierce enemy of Islam. And yet, today, he announced his reversion into Islam. As irony as it is, I remember that sometimes in the past, there was a guy who, just like him, announced his reversion into Islam publicly. He was a fierce enemy of Islam too. He had his own reasons of course. He believed that Islam was the reason why his people become separated. The place he lived was no longer the same. And he thought that forcing people to leave Islam would make everything return back to normal. So, he tortured the muslims. He asked the people of his clan to abandon Islam. He was very eager to do anything to unite his people back. Up to the point that he was willing to kill. Oh, back then, killing was not as easy as it seems nowadays. He would certainly be punished by his community for blood is the only price of bloodshed. And verily, Allah guides whom He wills to a straight path. When he was on his way to kill the Messenger (PBUH), he was told that his own sister had already embraced Islam too. And I guess, by now, all of us have pretty much know who am I talking about. He is our very own second caliph, Umar al-Khattab ra.

The history has proven that numerous people have embraced Islam even after being a fierce enemy of muslims. The likes of Umar r.a, Khalid al-Walid ra and Ikrimah, the son of Abu Jahal are some of them. Khalid r.a was one of the notable figures of the musyrikin who went out for the Battle of Uhud. He led the musyrikin to ambush the muslims while some of them were busy celebrating their 'victory'. This sudden attack caused the death of many muslims in the battle. Consequently, the muslim army was forced to retreat back to Madinah. Other than Khalid, Ikrimah r.a was also a notable figure of Mecca. He was the son of Abu Jahal, a notorious enemy of Messenger (PBUH). And he only embraced Islam after the conquest of Mecca.

I, personally, admire Ikrimah r.a. He was a very fierce fighter before he embraced Islam. He cut the hand of one of the two youths who targeted Abu Jahal during the Battle of Uhud. During the Battle of the Ditch, with  a great bravery, he managed to cross the ditch eventhough he was chased out again by the arrows shot by the muslims. During the conquest of Mecca, he also attempted to fight the army of Khalid al Walid with some thirty people of Mecca. He was defeated but he managed to escaped. When he was about to leave Mecca once and for all, he was asked to embrace islam through the captain of the boat he about to board. While he was hesitating -since he has been running for Islam his whole life- his wife came to him telling that the Prophet (PBUH) has already promised him protection. And in his journey back to Mecca, he embraced Islam.
In the words of Martin Lings in his book, Muhammad: His Life Based on The Earliest Source
"Then, Ikrimah spoke of the money he had spent and the battles he had fought to bar men from following the truth, and he said that he would henceforth spend the double of it and fight with double effort in the way of God; and he kept his promise."
And he died a very wonderful death in the battle against Byzantine. And I wont be telling that story here. You can find it yourselves if you want.

Now, how can we relate ourselves to these people?
In the not too distant past, we might be the ones who live  for the sake of our own nafs. We lived as the slaves of the norm. We followed whatever norm dictated by the people around us. At the age of 7, we entered elementary school. And thus begin our journey of academic life. We entered high school and sat for PMR and SPM. Then we continued with our tertiary education, seeking for the degree that seems to be important for our survival in the future. We stayed up until 3 or 4 in the morning, burning the midnight oil so that we can be listed in DL. And what did we tell people when they asked us to join the congregational prayers at the mosque? What excuses did we give to ourselves for missing the fajr prayer? Or did we even bother to give excuses? And how did we push our friends off when they start to talk about usrah and stuffs?
In the not too distant past too, while we lived in the boarding school, we might live the life of the tyrants. We oppressed the seemingly weaklings among us. We asked our juniors to wash our clothes, clean our dorms and buy our food. We beat them up just because they entered our class through the back door. Or even worse, we scolded them because they did not say salam to us when they met us. Oh, just how irony was it.
In the not too distant past, we might just the bad guys who do all sort of bad things. We might be missing our prayers and we were not even concern of it. And verily, Allah guides whom He wills to a straight path.
Now, here we are, guided by Allah to the only deen in His sight. Dont we want to be the likes of Umar, Khalid and Ikrimah too?

"Manusia itu seperti logam, terpilihnya mereka waktu jahiliyah, terpilih juga mereka semasa Islam, sekiranya mereka faham" Err, I did try to find the english translation, but I just cant find it. Lol.

Post-exam ranting

Capitalism at its best. Being charged for overdraft; no transaction took place. Well, though I sort of can rationalize the fee after finishing my banking class today, I still feel that charging me that much is still irrational. Sigh. Post exam pms.

99 mangsa

Kebetulankah apabila si fulan yang mebunuh seratus orang itu matinya hanya sejengkal lebih dekat dengan tempat dituju berbanding dengan tempat yang ditinggalkannya itu?

Saya kira kebanyakan antara kita telah biasa dengan kisah seorang lelaki yang telah membunuh sembilan puluh sembilan orang mangsanya. Dan kemudiannya, dia mencari seorang pendeta, dan bertanya adakah dia akan diampunkan sekiranya dia bertaubat. Tidak dapat menerima perkataan tidak, dia membunuh pendita tersebut. Dan kemudinnya dia mencari pula seorang alim dan bertanya soalan yang sama. Dia disuruh meninggalkan tempat itu dan mencari tempat yang mana penduduknya menyembah Allah. Dan itulah yang dilakukannya. Namun, di pertengahan jalan, nyawanya ditarik oleh Allah swt. Turunlah dua malaikat yang berebut untuk membawa lelaki tersebut samada ke syurga mahupun neraka. Lantas Allah menurunkan malaikat untuk menjadi pengadil antara kedua malaikat tersebut. Keputusan dibuat berdasarkan jarak lelaki tersebut daripada tempat kematiannnya daripada tempat yang ingin dituju serta tempat yang ditinggalkannya. Keputusannya memihak kepada malaikat yang membawa kerahmatan, dan lelaki tersebut dijemput oleh malaikat kerahmatan. 

Ya, saya kira kita dah biasa mendengar kisah ini. Ini sebenarnya adalah kisah yang diceritakan oleh Rasulullah saw dan diriwayatkan oleh imam Bukhari dan imam Muslim dan disahihkan oleh imam Nawawi dalam kitab Riyadus Saleehin. Jujurnya, sebelum saya membaca sendiri hadis ini, saya tidak menjangka yang ia adalah sebuah hadis. Namun, itulah hidayah yang dicampakkan oleh Allah kedalam hati saya ketika mana hati saya dijentik untuk membaca sendiri Riyadus Saleehin milik kawan saya. Bagi saya hadis ini amat menarik dan sangat relevan dengan kehidupan kita sebagai manusia yang banyak melakukan dosa. Ya, kita pendosa. Namun, kita ingin menjadi seperti lelaki ini, pendosa yang bertaubat dan taubatnya diterima Allah. 

Ada dua perkara yang ingin saya tanyakan di sini. 

1. Mengapa Allah menghantar 3 malaikat di mana satu daripadanya menjadi hakim di ntara mereka untuk menetukan kemanakah berakhirnya lelaki tersebut. Allah, dengan segala kekuasaanya, boleh menghantar malaikat rahmat sahaja untuk menjemput lelaki tersebut.

2. Kebetulankah apabila lelaki tersebut mati, mengikut satu riwayat, hanya sejengkal lebih dekat ke tempat yang baik berbanding tempat yang ditinggalkannya? Bagaimana sekiranya dia lambat sedikit? adakah pengakhirannya ialah di neraka?

Untuk menjawab soalan kedua, di dalam satu riwayat sahih, Allah telah memerintahkan kepada tanah tempat asalnya untuk menjauh dan tanah yang ditujunya untuk mendekat. Ya, saudara-saudara sekalian. Itulah jua jawapan untuk soalan yang pertama. Agar kita dapat mengambil ibrah daripadanya. Bukan kebetulan lelaki itu matinya lebih dekat dengan tempat yang ditujunya. Tetapi, Allah dengan kekuasannya, menjadikan keputusan itu memihak kepada lelaki tersebut. Agar kita tahu, yang segala keputusan bukanlah pada tangan kita. Lelaki tersebut mungkin matinya lebih dekat dengan tempat yang ditinggalkannya. Menjadikan perjalanannya sebuah kegagalan. Malah ketika matinya, malaikat seksaan sendiri mempersoalkan yang lelaki tersebut belum melakukan kebaikan pun. Akan tetapi, Allah memperlihatkan kita bahawa kita hanya perlu berbuat apa yang kita mampu dalam ruang lingkup kita yang terbatas. Dan selebihnya Allah yang akan tentukan. 

Maka, di sini juga saya ingin kongsikan dua recording yang membasahkan hati yang kering ini, dengan izin Allah. Semoga ianya bermanfaat untuk kita semua, dunia dan akhirat. 

Ouh, dan kita tak pernah tahu dimanakah had keupayaan kita untuk mencari redhaNya ^-^

So, here is the long awaited weekend. The weekend after a long week of exams, projects and quizzes. Sitting around doing nothing is exactly the thing in my mind right now. However, knowing that free time is exactly the enemy of us, muslims, I try to do something else that I deem beneficial. However, most of my free time tonight was spent scrolling down facebook, reading stuffs that people posted. It seems to be clearer to me than ever before that my newsfeed is actually flooded by beneficial links and statuses of my friends. Keep it up people. You guys are awesome!

I have a dream

I have a dream, or rather, a vision.
So big it is that it scares me.
Will I live long enough to turn it into reality?

How is it going to be reality when I am no longer around?

Came to my mind that I have to be immortal
Ah, somewhere around this world, there might be an elixir
One that will enable me to see my dream become true.
On and on I keep looking for it.
For I know that the time will never stop.
Happy I am for at last I found it.

Abu Hurairah reported: Messenger of Allah (PBUH) said: "If anyone calls others to follow right guidance, his reward will be equivalent to those who follow him (in righteousness) without their reward being diminished in any respect, and if anyone invites others to follow error, the sin, will be equivalent to that of the people who follow him (in sinfulness) without their sins being diminished in any respect"
(Muslim)

Anger

When you have troubles coming to you from all over the places, you begin to reflect upon all the things that you have done. You start to think that you are actually in a very difficult position that no one ever had before, that the people around you cannot even relate too. You start to rationalize your anger despite the fact that you understand that others also have so much in their plate too. Dude, you feel that it is too much that you began to think to quit everything. That is when you know that shaytan is overpowering you through your anger, through your emotion and through your frustration. So, what should you do?

1. Reflect upon the hadeeth ralated to patient and anger. You would see that there are lots of hadeeths telling you not to be angry, that patients is at the first hit, that the men who are strong are not due to their strength but due to their ability to be patient when they are angry. But still, you are angry. Your emotion is getting over you.

2. Keep yourselves silent. Because the more you talk, the more unaware you become of all the words that you have and might say. You might be lying just because you don't want to lose. You might say words that are unable to be taken back. You might hurt others.  But you don't want to lose your argument and you don't want the others to feel that they are actually on the right side.

3. Take ablution. Oh wait. The restrooms are too far.

4. Lie down.  Oh wait. What others would feel? You are lying down in the middle of the room.